I Draw My Pain-Body

From Eckhart Tolle’s The Power of Now, the pain-body is “a negative energy field that can take us over, that feeds on our pain and wants our pain to continue and increase.” ~ Ordinary Genius, A Guide for the Poet Within by Kim Addonizio

i draw my pain-body
i have defined it.
two distinct, indigestible flavors:
the Yawn and a Cheshire cat

Yawn: noun and verb
        a bored reaction or manifestation
        gracing the countenance of
        familial females
        i am dull, tedious
        frequently glossed over
        seldom heard

Cheshire cat: noun, fictional character
        smug & serene
        it sees, it knows, it adjudicates my crimes
        its mischievous grin
        mocks and flays me
        what were you thinking
        you stupid, stupid girl

i know what they look like
these inner wanderers
they walk the footpaths of memory
they spread doubt and reproach
                six sailor dresses come spring
        our inauthentic sisterhood
absence of nurture
        absence of bonds

unrepentant enemies of an unstable childhood
        grown into bewildered womanhood
these arbiters of conscience and action
now sprung to life
now, malodorous memes

exposed as they now are, i will adapt
seek recourse in myself
remove from them the power
they’ve held over me for far too long

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