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One of my sisters, the second youngest of the six of us ‘girls’, has been living a mother’s nightmare for several years now. She and her elder daughter, on the cusp of her early twenties, are estranged. There is more than enough blame to go around on both sides. Mistakes were made. Tempers have flared. Things have gotten ugly. Matters are further hampered by her daughter’s father, my sister’s ex, who apparently delights in playing ‘good cop’ and who consistently fuels the fire in order to twist the knife in my sister’s back. This is not a good situation.

Nanette continues time and time again to reach out, only to be brutally rebuffed by Samantha who resorts to vile name-calling, kicking, shoving and other theatrics. My view, and that of many of us in the family, is that this is a ‘little girl’ who is callous, self-absorbed and mean-spirited in the extreme. She seems to revel in hurting – and disowning – her mother. It’s hard to watch the toll it’s taken on my sister who, as noted, has certainly contributed to the initial ill will between the two and who has acted in ways she wishes she could retract. I can relate as there are many things I wish I could do over in my relationship with my own son. It is, however, as they say, what it is.

The two went to counseling while Samantha was in high school (and had opted, in her early teens, to live with her father) but, obviously, to no avail.

Sam’s birthday was a couple of weeks ago. Nanette asked each of us girls, Samantha’s aunts, to call or text to wish her a happy birthday. She asked a local radio station to do so as well and dedicated a song to her. Today, my sister reported that the birthday card she sent to her daughter was returned, with postage due. It breaks my heart.

This post is out of the ordinary for me and I apologize in advance for the blatant plea for any kind of helpful recommendations that you, my readers, might be able to provide that I could pass along to help my sister deal with this.

For my part, I believe Nanette can feel good that she’s not given up and for trying to mend the rift but she can only do so much. If Sam doesn’t want to reciprocate, there is nothing my sister can do. I think it might be best for Nanette to accept – for now – that this is just the way it is and to hope that in time, her daughter will find her way back to her mother.

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Images born
On wings of hope: May there be beauty!
Some find their mark bringing both joy and relief.
While others, finding their mark still, cause anguish, dismay: Please. No….
The truth hurts. Seeing it squarely in front of you, yes.
But being made aware that these images of light match – with such painful certainty
That what was painted
Sometimes, it’s more than I can bear.

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As I continue to learn and grow as a photographer, I feel I’ve stepped up my game a notch or two lately as I continue to experiment with modifying the three elements of exposure: aperture, shutter speed and ISO. While there isn’t necessarily anything special with this particular shot (and I know that it is far from perfect), I’m still pretty pleased with how this photo turned out. This was my first attempt at using exposure compensation so as to avoid a dark foreground due to the strong light coming through the windows and therefore allow the details of the woodwork and furnishings to feature more prominently in the photograph. In the first shot that I took, the entire bottom half of the photo was pretty much a hot, dark, mess. Then I remembered about exposure compensation and bumped the exposure up one full stop – and was thrilled with the results.

Lesson learned and that’s pretty exhilarating!!

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Sometimes, I just want to get away. Far removed from everyone and everything I know: my family, my friends, my job, all those endless responsibilities, obligations, daily routines and societal expectations. All of it. The reality of my life replaced by never having to be hurt and disappointed by others’ thoughtlessness and inconsiderate behavior. Sigh. I know I probably expect too much of those who I assume really do love and care about me. But sometimes, I just have to wonder…

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Thick, heavy, frayed, knotted and coiled – much like how many of us feel at times due to varying degrees of gluttony, inactivity, stress and uncertainty. Pulled too tight and we’re constricted, restricted and unable to move in any direction. Yet, too much slack and we’re rudderless, with no motivation or intent to do much of anything. We flounder and stagnate in the process.

Finding that balance, that middle ground, to reach a place of agreeable tension – a propulsion of sorts – can be both challenging and reassuring. And quite necessary to our growth as individuals as we work toward finding our way in the world.