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I’ve always wished for a real, true friend
several hits soon became lonely misses
mama’s legacy fed my fears
and thus my non-belonging….

sisters make it look so easy
laughter, smiles, shared confidences —
downy feathers lying soft on chenille.

sustained connectivity,
somehow not my forte.

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the snow was deep
deeper than I’d anticipated
I had a long, long way yet to trudge.

sinking to mid-thigh,
heart making do despite the shock
to its otherwise dormant existence,
the whiteness around me,
the stillness,
beheld a loveliness
too profound to imagine.

if I died out here,
alone,
it would be a death
couched in serenity.

and who could argue with that?

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When do you
know
to let go
or even how to?

We reveal
our souls,
our art,
our passions,
our works of love
and revel in others’
out of joy
and respect
and celebration

yet nothing —
or very little —
circles back in return.

Does one
continue
to do
what is right
and lovely
with no thought
of recompense
and hope that awareness
will take root?

Or does one hunker down —
to thine own self be true —
with nothing more to give?

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stoplight, a gauzy green
continuum blockers on high alert
seafoam backlit by pearls of magenta
fantastic creatures tucked inside
for future endeavors

won’t you join the melee
and burrow in with me for good

or must I remain an endangered species
targeted not for any illustrious appeal
but, rather, for what I lack in contradictions?

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This day, she be a good one.

Drawing the blinds that face our world, lovely snow lightly falling delighted my morning ritual of let-out-the-dog. So still, so serene.

Husband made me a hot, yummy bowl of Coco Wheat cereal. A throw-back to years earlier when my son was small and our break-the-fast routine included Malt O’Meal, instant oatmeal and Cream of Wheat. It tasted pretty darn good this morning.

While Bill tended to work-work To Do items in his make-shift basement office, Coco and I suited up for a walk in our Iowa Winter Wonderland. Earlier this week, when the temps hovered just above zero and the winds were a-howlin’, we’d done the same although for relatively briefer forays. Still, it had felt good to get outdoors, escaping the Cabin Fever mentality that had begun to consume me of late. Today, however, though dreary and overcast, the weather is milder, accentuated with all that brilliant virgin whiteness. We managed a decent forty minutes. Bogged down in heavy cold-weather outerwear and clunky boots, it was a bit of a workout trudging through all those uncleared sidewalks, with snow several inches deep. Tiring but exhilarating nonetheless.

On our return, hubby was clearing the snow from our sidewalks and driveway. I let Coco out into the enclosed backyard while I released myself from my now damp and confining boots and garments. Coco’s face, thoroughly encrusted with snow, peered in at me through our huge living room windows, cute and as adorable as ever. Time now to let him in and wipe him down of all that snow.

A little later, I tweaked a poem I’d written a few weeks earlier and posted here on my blog. Pleased with what I’d written, I turned to thoughts of cozy comfort and made myself a hot cuppa tea and curled up with a wonderful book about a woman who ran the Iditarod in 2003 and 2005, an inspiring and delightful read. Sitting there, with Coco snuggled next to me, I was struck by the realization of what a simple but wonderful day it’s been thus far.

The smallest of pleasantries often provide the largest satisfactions and so I wanted to share that with you. May you all have yourselves your own simple, wonderful Sunday!

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From Eckhart Tolle’s The Power of Now, the pain-body is “a negative energy field that can take us over, that feeds on our pain and wants our pain to continue and increase.” ~ Ordinary Genius, A Guide for the Poet Within by Kim Addonizio

i draw my pain-body
i have defined it.
two distinct, indigestible flavors:
the Yawn and a Cheshire cat

Yawn: noun and verb
        a bored reaction or manifestation
        gracing the countenance of
        familial females
        i am dull, tedious
        frequently glossed over
        seldom heard

Cheshire cat: noun, fictional character
        smug & serene
        it sees, it knows, it adjudicates my crimes
        its mischievous grin
        mocks and flays me
        what were you thinking
        you stupid, stupid girl

i know what they look like
these inner wanderers
they walk the footpaths of memory
they spread doubt and reproach
                six sailor dresses come spring
        our inauthentic sisterhood
absence of nurture
        absence of bonds

unrepentant enemies of an unstable childhood
        grown into bewildered womanhood
these arbiters of conscience and action
now sprung to life
now, malodorous memes

exposed as they now are, i will adapt
seek recourse in myself
remove from them the power
they’ve held over me for far too long